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Oct. 24th, 2005 @ 08:31 am to kace kace
Current Mood: awake
Hi it's been way too long since I have talked to you, my cell phone is not working right now because I am poor white trash who has no money but I do need to talk to you it's important. so if you see this can you give me a call or I will call you ohh or you should email me cuz I dont have your email addy


spazangel@msn.com

love you
Carmen
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Aug. 23rd, 2005 @ 01:51 pm I'm getting stonned....
Current Mood: high
Current Music: sara evens

Leave me alone I'm over it
And everybody's movin' on
I can't see my tomorrow and yesterday has come and gone
So leave me alone
My mind is blown but it's my own
So deal with it
I'm feeling fine most the time
I may be on the outside but no ones getting in
So leave me alone
We're O.K. reelin' in the days
We're alright we're just getting high
Let us be it'll be all right
I got no strife I'm loving life
Could you say the same
You don't have to move to groove
So come on up and see me but leave that judge behind
'Cause I'm loving life
We're O.K. reelin' in the days
We're alright we're just getting high
Let us be it'll be all right
I'm gettin' stoned and what's wrong with that
The president seems to be just fine
Come on up and see me
Come on up just know that I'm gettin' stoned
I'm gettin' stoned I'm gettin' stoned I'm gettin' stoned

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Jul. 26th, 2005 @ 05:39 pm moved yet again and still not done.
Current Mood: dirty
Moved in with Johnny and Pumkin a couple days ago. It's actually not that bad, living with 3 guys is alot of fun watch alot of porn ohh baby. Plus drinking alot. They have a pool table so by the time I go to kacies I should be good but not good enough. Trying to get this studio apartment in lynnwood that I like. But in order for me to live there I need 40 hours a week so in other words two jobs. because Nick isnt working and my mom said she would help move me in but only if Nick didnt move in with me because he has no job so he isnt taking care of himself. He understands. But only with Johnny and Pumkin for a month or so until the apartment is ready. I started working at Lane Bryant at the Alderwood Mall. I like it, I get 40% off of everything plus medical dental and visiual so its all good. Nothing much more to say.
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Apr. 21st, 2005 @ 07:54 pm MOVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Current Mood: pissed off
Tomorrow I will be living with Autumn. My mom has kicked us out why? Because she is a bitch. She says that the manager is charging her an extra 600 dollars rent for us to be there...bullshit. So we will be living with Autumn until further notice. Changed my cell number also want it? Email me and I will give it to you.

Carmen
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Apr. 11th, 2005 @ 04:15 pm (no subject)
broke so there for no minutes in my cell phone sorry to all that have tried to call.
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Apr. 8th, 2005 @ 10:43 pm letter to kacie
looks like the trip to spokane is not going to happen. First of all it's like in two days and I have no money plus we are still looking at apartments plus derek is comming up. Alot of shit happend all at once, sorry maybe we can try to figure it out for later.
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Mar. 29th, 2005 @ 10:56 pm wow what a night...
Current Mood: scared
First thing that happends when I come home from work today was....a drug bust right outside my house. 4 undercover cop cars speed by and pull this guy over guns blazing and all. Tell the guy to drop his gun..ok I am out side smoking by the way and cant go inside of fear of distracting the cops from this bust. They are outside for a good half an hour trying to get this guy out of his car and on the floor, they search his car I couldnt see much but he did have drugs just dont know what kind. On the phone with Ceri the whole time and I'm about to shit out my heart.

I am offically ready to leave arizona and go back to seattle life.
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Mar. 23rd, 2005 @ 02:47 am Shoe shopping.
Current Mood: cranky
So I went to the mall the other day and saw the cuttest shoes I have ever seen in my life, sadly they didnt have my size. So I ask the lady if the store has a website...it does. I baught the shoes last night and I have to say that I think they are the cuttest shoes I have ever seen in my life...ok so I had to say it again. I am going to post the website for you to check it out. You have to see the shoes.

http://www.torrid.com/store/product.asp?LS=0&RN=208&ITEM=565354
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Mar. 22nd, 2005 @ 01:07 am quizez.
whoot whoot

" The good fuck"
You are 64 fuckable!
You're about as fuckable as most people, which is not bad. Actually, it's quite healthy! You know how to act and what's appropriate. You know when it's the time and place for what. And people can use that to see you erotically. It's no surprise that you can attract a good number of people. You're what they want! A realistic babe who knows when to get a bit wild! Yeah, I'd fuck you!




My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:


 You scored higher than 40% on humpers
Link: The how fuckable are you? Test written by ShizzleBitch on Ok Cupid
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Mar. 1st, 2005 @ 10:44 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: sick
Tis March already. My sister will be 25, Melissa will poop out my god child and I will be back home in seattle with the insane people that I love and miss.

My dog has her last shots on the 27th of this month, so we should be in seattle anytime after that.
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Feb. 1st, 2005 @ 05:29 am The last step....
Current Mood: scared
I go and get cleaned out tomorrow...I know that sounds gross, but hopefully it's the last step in this misscairage. I'm very scared to see my doctor tomorrow. I can't explain the fear because I don't know how. Even if I did know how I don't think you would understand. I can't sleep I'm so scared. My stomache hurts to think about it.

I have to go get cleaned out tomorrw, how fucked up does that sound? It sounds like I am cleaning out my locker on my last day of school, but this isnt a locker, it's my body and they arnt cleaning out papers and pictures they are cleaning out what's left of my baby. If there is anything left.

I feel so alone right now. I just wish I had someone here who know's what to say or what not to say. Right now I'm wishing I was in spokane with Kace. It would be ok if she saw me cry because she would know. It would be ok if she saw me get mad or pissed or out of nowhere just yell because I know she would understand. I cant do that here. I would feel to stupid. As much as I love Nick, right now I wish I was going through this....with Kacie here.
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Jan. 27th, 2005 @ 03:37 am Apartment searching...
Current Mood: busy
Who thought that looking for apartments would be so hecktick. After awhile they all start to look the same. I even forget the ones that I've already looked at. Leiso was talking about a house that her mom was thinking about helping her out with if she could find some friends to help her with the rent. I would love to do that but she doesnt know Nick and Victor and they dont know her. Yeah she has met Nick before but they dont know eachother so I dont know how well that would work out. We'll have to wait and see when March comes around. Off to look for more apartments tata.

Carmen
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Jan. 25th, 2005 @ 01:56 am I hate moving....
Current Mood: crappy
We are looking at apartments online and some have called me back and are sending me brochures and shit but it's just so stressful without seeing what they really look like. Jessica's apartments are only 2 blocks away from my sister..that is a plus and a negetive all in one. Don't make me explain....I want this cute 3 bedroom apartment but it's alot of money and if we have someone else moving into the 3rd bedroom we would be able to afford it. Hence the problem...we dont know who would move in with us. I want Kacie but Kelly is comming home from the war and I am not going to ask her to move to seattle when her brother is out of the war fuck that that is just mean. Danni but I dont trust her friends. Jessica cuz she doesnt like being home alone but dont know if she will move in with us. And then there is Ceri....as much fun as that sounds it could be complicated fun but complicated I am trying to get ahold of her but cant at this hour in the night.


My dog is too fucking cute by the way and I love her.


Carmen
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Jan. 18th, 2005 @ 04:53 am Happy happy joy joy!!!
Current Mood: happy
I got my puppy yesterday morning. She's the taco bell dog....I dont know how to spell that and she is mixed but I am not sure with what just yet. She is only 5 weeks old so she is still on the tit so I have to bottle feed her. She sweekes like a Rubber Ducky when she gets fed so I have dubbed her Ducky. Her name is Ducky and I love her. She has a coat of a rot willer whatever. She has a little speck of white on her forehead, the tip of her tail and her chest. She's adorable. As soon as I take digital photos I will post them online.
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Jan. 16th, 2005 @ 04:45 am ...can't sleep...clowns will eat me...
I am 20 years old!



You Are 20 Years Old



20




Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.


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Jan. 14th, 2005 @ 03:51 am empty...
Current Mood: lonely
It's official...I have lost my child. 7 weeks and 4 days I had it, now it's gone. I'm bed ridden until further notice. I'm going insane.

I feel so lost, distant, lonley, scared, pissed off, depressed.

I keep asking myself what I did, was it smoking, was I not eating the right food, was it lifting stuff up? What did I fucking do? Everyone keeps telling me that I didnt do anything wrong that it just wasnt "time", that isnt helping me stay sane through all this. I dont think I can mentaly get through this. I dont think I am a strong enough person to cope with this loss.

I wanted that baby so unbelievely bad. I wanted that baby more then anything in the world. And I killed it. This is so hard to go through right now and I just dont want to go through it-at all! I want my baby back so bad. I havent stopped crying I dont think I can stop. Everytime I see a pregnant person I just want to yell at them because I am so mad that I couldnt keep mine and they have theirs.

I hate myself more then anything right now. I am trying to be strong for me and for Nick but I just cant, I am trying to say that it was gods way...well GOD FUCKING SUCKS! Maybe it wasnt "time" but I cant accept that as an anwser right now. All I think is what did I do wrong? What could I have done differently to keep my baby? Nothing? Something.

I feel so empty...so very very insane...so alone.
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Jan. 11th, 2005 @ 03:37 am January 8, 2005
Current Mood: angry
Spend ten hours in the ER...I have lost my baby. I cant believe I lost my baby. The tears have yet to stop. The questions are not anwserd. I cant keep myself from going insane.....What did I do? What happend? Why? I now know what insanity feels like.


Have another doctors apointment in the morning for them to clean my insides out. Pretty much take the rest of the baby out of my oh god....What did I do wrong?


FUCK YOU!
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Jan. 11th, 2005 @ 12:53 am (no subject)
Current Mood: numb
FUCK YOU ALL....I HATE YOU....I HATE MYSELF....FUCK YOU I HAVE FINALLY GONE INSANE. I'M SORRY.
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Jan. 8th, 2005 @ 02:48 am (no subject)
Current Mood: cold

This is my buid-a-bear that victor got me it says "DURRH"

 

This is her all pretty in her cheerleader outfit.

 

This is at my work party and this is my present from my boss, it's cute boxes with candy in it!

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Dec. 29th, 2004 @ 12:13 am Exciting news for the people who dont know.....
Current Mood: giddy

I am six weeks pregnant the due dat is august 20th of 2005. Nick and I are extra excited. Even though alot of people are not....ceri but that is ok cuz we are having a baby. Please feel free to get excited and pitch in any good names that you might have. Yippy for Nick and Me!

 

Carmen

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